I kind of had a realization yesterday - it's July. To some of you that may be obvious, but here in the PacNW we are living in a constant state of February. It's cold, it's unpleasant, it's cloudy, and in no way represents anything that says 'July' in my mind. So it came as a surprise to me that it's July, the month of my surgery.
I have 3 weeks til my surgery. 3 weeks of this life that I know - I've grown so used to the pain I experience that I absolutely cannot wrap my mind around the idea of not feeling that pain anymore. It's bizarre. And I don't know that I can explain to those of you out there what it's like to be in pain all the time. If you haven't had chronic pain, it's impossible to know what it's like. Not that that is a bad thing. It's a wonderful thing, and I am envious of those of you who have a headache for a few hours, even a day. I don't talk about my pain a super lot, it feels so 'poor me.' I guess if I had to explain it, it would be like this: I hurt. I hurt all the time, my head never stops hurting, the pain never totally goes away. It lessens at times, and definitely worsens at times. But it is never gone. Kind of like syphilis.
There's a lot going on between now and when I get my skull opened up, so I'm sure the time will pass quickly. And I don't know what I would rather - time pass slow or fast.