Sunday, February 20, 2011

Wait... What...?

It's been a long time since I've posted.  Two months almost.  I've been having my ups and downs, which is to be expected I suppose.

I'm having a lot of memory trouble.  Not just like, "Oh, what did I come into the kitchen for?"  More like driving almost all the way home from work and trying desperately to remember if I unplugged the space heater...  Can't remember, so I drive all the way back to check (to discover that I indeed unplugged it).  It's hard to explain, it's like there's completely zero memory of something happening.  There are some things that totally don't stay in my mind, even if I did it just minutes ago.  It's frightening.  It's hard to work with that problem.  I don't know when I should be concerned.  It takes a lot of effort for me to recall things, just every day things.  Like what I'm wearing without looking down to see.  Like if I gave the dogs their fishoil with their breakfast.  All these little things that I suppose are fairly insignificant, but add up to be a huge part of my day.

I know everyone has forgetful moments.  I get that.  But I don't feel like I'm 'sharp.'  Honestly, I feel kind of stupid.  I feel spacey and like I'm always one step behind everyone else.  I've never felt stupid before, but when I really think about it, that's what I'm feeling.  Will this go away?  Am I permanently memory-challenged?