Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I thought a lot of things before I had this surgeries.  Lots of things I hoped, feared, wondered.  Through these weeks (three weeks now) I've learned a lot of things about myself.

  • After the first week/2 weeks, I actually enjoy the simplicity and quietness of my life.  I'm a creature of routine, and now that I am used to my routine of nothing, I enjoy it
  • I like cooking/baking way more than I thought.  It's amazing, when you have the time to do it, it takes on a whole new meaning.
  • I much prefer my current life as a somewhat recluse, although I always knew I wasn't a social butterfly
  • as much as I didn't believe it, I had hoped so desperately that after the surgery, I would be magically fixed.  Feel, for the first time in so many years, my body working how it should.  That didn't happen of course, but I had no idea how much I had wanted that
  • I thought I would miss driving, miss working, miss the hustle and bustle of running errands.  I don't miss any of it.  Maybe it will take more time before I do miss it...  
  • I am way better at destressing myself than I thought.  Right now, the absolute only thing that I am 'stressed' about is my recovery - is the huge question mark.  Will I ever feel better?  I'm not stressed about getting back to work, about money, about time, I'm not even overly stressed about missing the gym.  It amazes me.
As you know if you've been following this blog, there has been no change in my symptoms.  I still am tormented by the deafening ringing in my ears at night, my legs still ache, my head still hurts.  In fact, in the past week and a half, I felt like my recovery has been stagnant.  I'm not going forward, but I'm not going back.  Who's to really know, I suppose.  

I have my check up appt on Sept 8th - I return to Milwaukee with my dad and get another MRI.  After that, my appt with Dr. Heffez.  In a way, I hope the MRI shows that there hasn't been much improvement in the 'grooves' in my brainstem, I feel like that would give me hope that I have a long way to go, not that I've come as far as I could have come.  Because so far, I seem to have gotten no where.

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