A good article

Here's an article a friend sent me - it's really worth reading.

Thanks for the encouraging comments, friends.  It's nice to know people still read this!

Late night post - a shortie

I will post just a bit, it's late and I've had a long day.

Sometimes I go to the gym and I feel this terrible bubbling of envy.  I see people sweating buckets, working their tails off.  I see people who can do back-to-back classes.  I see women wearing these perfect workout outfits, and looking amazing doing so.

I think that's my biggest frustration - I am not able to exercise how I want to, and it frustrates me.  I suppose frustrate doesn't quite capture it.  It pisses me off.  It makes me sad.  It makes me discouraged.  I want to be that person sweating it out, running, pushing my body to make it better.  But it seems many days all I can do is make my body get up and out of bed.

It is coming up on one year since surgery.  I can't even believe it.  It seems so long ago, yet so close.  I refuse to believe I went through such a traumatic event and will not feel better.  It has to get better.  It HAS to.

New research

I have been searching for more information these past few weeks. Last night my husband and I talked about the possibility of me having a second surgery... There is no reason for me to thnk I need another surgery except for the fact I am not better. I have found no relief so far, and to say that is frustrating is an under statement.

I read a lot of chiari blogs, but most are outdated, last posts being 2009. This spring has been hard, the pressure changes really make my aches and pains worse.

What now? I do not know. Bt I have promised myself I will blog more, if not to keep everyone updated than to at least document for my own memory.

Slow times

I started this blog last June.  In a way, it seems like a lifetime ago.  And I suppose in a way it is.  Since then I have had brain surgery.  Brain surgery!  Sometimes I have to say it outloud, and it still feels surreal.

I wish I could tell you I'm cured.  I wish I could say, "Man, I can't believe I used to feel so terrible!"  But I can't say that.  I have to believe I went through surgery for a reason, there is no way I went through such an ordeal for nothing.  But I have yet to feel any better.


The miserable have no other medicine
But only hope.
~William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

Wait... What...?

It's been a long time since I've posted.  Two months almost.  I've been having my ups and downs, which is to be expected I suppose.

I'm having a lot of memory trouble.  Not just like, "Oh, what did I come into the kitchen for?"  More like driving almost all the way home from work and trying desperately to remember if I unplugged the space heater...  Can't remember, so I drive all the way back to check (to discover that I indeed unplugged it).  It's hard to explain, it's like there's completely zero memory of something happening.  There are some things that totally don't stay in my mind, even if I did it just minutes ago.  It's frightening.  It's hard to work with that problem.  I don't know when I should be concerned.  It takes a lot of effort for me to recall things, just every day things.  Like what I'm wearing without looking down to see.  Like if I gave the dogs their fishoil with their breakfast.  All these little things that I suppose are fairly insignificant, but add up to be a huge part of my day.

I know everyone has forgetful moments.  I get that.  But I don't feel like I'm 'sharp.'  Honestly, I feel kind of stupid.  I feel spacey and like I'm always one step behind everyone else.  I've never felt stupid before, but when I really think about it, that's what I'm feeling.  Will this go away?  Am I permanently memory-challenged?

Holidays

It's hard to believe Christmas has passed - sometimes it seems like it was just summer.  And other times it feels like this season has dragged on forever.

I'm able to take it slower at work now, between Thanksgiving and Christmas is our busiest time and now that that's passed it's a lot easier.  I plan on taking some time off and getting back into a regular routine.

We've had a four legged visitor this Christmas - a friend from the flyball team's dog, Indy.  She's a lovely (and VERY well trained) border collie.  It's been really nice to have a change of pace and a dog I can bring to work with me.  And a dog that will listen to me all the time, not just some of the time.  My dogs get along very well with her, and they've even played a bit together.  Indy is very pretty, which gave me an excuse to get out my camera.

We had a nice Christmas, Jeff and I celebrated together on Christmas eve and then spent Christmas day at his folk's house.  I'm looking forward to a visit from my parents next week.

I think the amount of hours I have been working has caused my recovery to backslide a bit.  My plan from here is to take it slow and establish a healthy balance of work, rest, and exercise.  Trying to stay positive.

The Annual Christmas photo

Every year I make my husband drag the dogs into the studio so we can take a holiday photo.  This year he even brought the cat.  I don't really know why we do a Christmas photo, we don't have kids and the only thing that changes from year to year is my hair.  But my husband humors me and we do a pic.

A stare down: Georgia vs Allie.

Dozer finally notices I have a cat in my arms.
A very angry cat with a bad haircut.

After a little photoshop work, we ended up with this:

Merry Christmas to all.  I'm trying to stay hopeful this new year will bring me peace and relief from pain.