I will post just a bit, it's late and I've had a long day.
Sometimes I go to the gym and I feel this terrible bubbling of envy. I see people sweating buckets, working their tails off. I see people who can do back-to-back classes. I see women wearing these perfect workout outfits, and looking amazing doing so.
I think that's my biggest frustration - I am not able to exercise how I want to, and it frustrates me. I suppose frustrate doesn't quite capture it. It pisses me off. It makes me sad. It makes me discouraged. I want to be that person sweating it out, running, pushing my body to make it better. But it seems many days all I can do is make my body get up and out of bed.
It is coming up on one year since surgery. I can't even believe it. It seems so long ago, yet so close. I refuse to believe I went through such a traumatic event and will not feel better. It has to get better. It HAS to.