Holidays

It's hard to believe Christmas has passed - sometimes it seems like it was just summer.  And other times it feels like this season has dragged on forever.

I'm able to take it slower at work now, between Thanksgiving and Christmas is our busiest time and now that that's passed it's a lot easier.  I plan on taking some time off and getting back into a regular routine.

We've had a four legged visitor this Christmas - a friend from the flyball team's dog, Indy.  She's a lovely (and VERY well trained) border collie.  It's been really nice to have a change of pace and a dog I can bring to work with me.  And a dog that will listen to me all the time, not just some of the time.  My dogs get along very well with her, and they've even played a bit together.  Indy is very pretty, which gave me an excuse to get out my camera.

We had a nice Christmas, Jeff and I celebrated together on Christmas eve and then spent Christmas day at his folk's house.  I'm looking forward to a visit from my parents next week.

I think the amount of hours I have been working has caused my recovery to backslide a bit.  My plan from here is to take it slow and establish a healthy balance of work, rest, and exercise.  Trying to stay positive.

The Annual Christmas photo

Every year I make my husband drag the dogs into the studio so we can take a holiday photo.  This year he even brought the cat.  I don't really know why we do a Christmas photo, we don't have kids and the only thing that changes from year to year is my hair.  But my husband humors me and we do a pic.

A stare down: Georgia vs Allie.

Dozer finally notices I have a cat in my arms.
A very angry cat with a bad haircut.

After a little photoshop work, we ended up with this:

Merry Christmas to all.  I'm trying to stay hopeful this new year will bring me peace and relief from pain.

Aches and pains. Still.

There are a lot of things I don't understand about life.  Like why people ever wore hypercolor, or what makes Facebook so addicting.  But I guess what I am struggling with understanding most is why I don't feel any better.

I had my surgery on July 26th.  It will soon be 5 months since I went under the knife.  That's crazy, seems like it happened yesterday.  For many weeks I told myself to trust and be patient, that it will take a long time to heal.  But now, almost 5 months later, I am out of patience.  I can no longer tell myself to wait, that relief will come.  I have waited so long, and no changes.  In fact, I am actually feeling a bit worse.  Before surgery I used to think, 'I will never get any lower, there is no lower.'  But I am.  I am lower than when I started this journey.  Not only am I physically feeling worse, but mentally I am worn out.  Getting my hopes up is exhausting.

There is nothing to say or do to make this better.  I don't want any words of encouragement.  I just wanted to say I am not better.  I am not healed.  I am not recovered.  I have no choice but to continue on with life, to continue to wait, to convince myself to be patient.  But how can you be patient for something you aren't sure will ever come?