Got my EKG and chest xrays done today - nice to check those off the list.
Apparently the fact that i'm getting brain surgery is funny. Or at least the guy who did my EKG thought so. The event went as follows:
guy pointing to a gown: "Do you know what this is?"
me thinking: it's a prom dress. what am I, an idiot?
me: "yeah..."
guy: "Put it on, opening in the front."
me thinking: Geez bossy. Good thing I know what it is or I'd be totally lost.
guy: "When was your last EKG?"
me: "I don't know, like 5 years ago."
guy laughs: "Yeah, that was a long time ago."
me: "I don't get them regularly."
guy: "Why are you having one today?"
me: "Part of a routine pre-op physical, I'm having brain surgery."
guy: laughter
me thinking: WTF?? is this happening? How is that at all funny?
guy: "Why?"
me: "my brain is too big."
more laughter by guy
me thinking: if you laugh one more time at this, I will give you a solid punch to the throat
guy: "Do you use?" as in, use drugs
me thinking: Again, WTF?? Who asks that?
me: "no. it's a genetic condition."
guy: chuckle, "What do they do?"
me thinking: are you really asking me this? you must for SURE want a punch to the throat
me: "Take out a piece of my skull."
guy: "So it can grow?"
me thinking: Yeah, you ass clown. After using a number of illicit drugs, I spend hours doing sodoku and it enlarged my brain so much it's too big. Once they take out a piece, then i can do sodoku AND crossword puzzles!
me: "um... No... to make room...."
awkward silence.
I kid you not. It was so bizarre and inappropriate. I am so glad an EKG literally takes about 2 minutes.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
A frustrating snag
Long story short, I had my pre-op physical done last friday, which was the 25th of June. My surgery is the 26th of July, meaning the physical was 31 days instead of 30 days prior to my surgery. Trying to find the right person to ask if that is going to be a problem is a problem. It's so frustrating being a patient. I don't know who to talk to about what, I have to tell my story over and over again just to get transferred to someone else. I just want my damn question answered, it's that simple!
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wisdom from a real nurse Part III
The last installment of my series. My friend Heidi imparts her nurse-ly wisdom!
TO THE FLOOR: After 1-2 days you'll go "to the floor". That means out of the ICU to the regular hospital floor. The difference will be that you will not be connected to monitors, your nurse will have more patients, and you will be more heavily focused on physical therapy, occupational therapy, mobility, and independence. This is quite difficult but you CAN do it. Try to keep in mind that what you will be going through is TEMPORARY. Remind yourself that it will be better someday and that "this, too, shall pass". Remember the people who are rooting for you and let that strength help you.
A couple other items that don't fit into one location:
TO BRING: Less is more. Seriously. Try not to bring anything valuable to the hospital. Things DO indeed get lost (soemhow. I really can't figure out how, but I blame the drunken grandpa). so, seriously consider what you could possibly leave at home and still be okay. Have your favorite items be things to look forward to coming home to. I'd suggest chapstick, a picture of the pups, maybe an iPod. Jeff can hang onto these things for you. Magazines are good to have. You will NOT feel like reading a book. No way, no how. The less stuff, the better. Not only will you have NO desire to use it, you have to cart it around from room to room and that sucks. If you take any meds at home, leave them at the hotel. You won't need to bring them to the hospital unless they're REALLY, and I'm talking REALLY, obscure or illegal.
DOCTORS: these are strange creatures. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and flavors. They can be ellusive. You may or may not see your MD prior to surgery. He/She will come around 1-2 times a day, briefly, to check in. Have questions ready for the visit (if you have any). The doctors don't spend much time with you. There may be a resident who takes care of you for the majority of the time, instead of the main MD. The resident will do stuff like help with pain meds, changes in symptoms, etc. This is okay and the resident will be in contact with the rest of the medical team.
NURSES: These are also strange creatures. ICU nurses are sarcastic, have a dark sense of humor, and are very kind people despite what it may seem sometimes. Some of us are quite Intense...cuz of the "I"CU, but it's not out of dislike for you. It's simply a phenotype. I am absolutely certain that your nurses are going to ADORE you and wish that you could be their patient every day. Trust me, I know this for certain. If I had a patient like you, I'd lick the floor if it made you feel better. (and then I'd drink bleach, but you get the idea). They will be able to tell you almost anything you need to know about how you're doing. They will likely nOT be able to answer a lot of questions about yoru surgery...like what happened intraop, how long exactly it took, what exactly the doctor's said about the case. We don't tend to get a bunch of details about that kind of thing. This is something to ask the doctors. Speaking of...
QUESTIONS TO ASK:
For the doctors: What are you plannign to give me for pain/nausea medication? (Sometimes the neurosurgeons are a bit skimpy with meds because the meds can interfere with a good neuro exam. So know what you're likely to experience beforehand.) when can I expect to see you? (so you can plan for questions later). How did my surgery go? Did anything unusual happen? What do you expect for my recovery?
For the nurses: Anything you want. What to expect for the day (if it's something you're concerned about). You should ask what they're doing if you want to know. What meds you're getting. How they think your vitals are. Your nurses will generally be very open with you and you will probably not even need to ask, but you have the right to know.
Thank you to Heidi for your humor and information - it has really helped, and made me laugh!
TO THE FLOOR: After 1-2 days you'll go "to the floor". That means out of the ICU to the regular hospital floor. The difference will be that you will not be connected to monitors, your nurse will have more patients, and you will be more heavily focused on physical therapy, occupational therapy, mobility, and independence. This is quite difficult but you CAN do it. Try to keep in mind that what you will be going through is TEMPORARY. Remind yourself that it will be better someday and that "this, too, shall pass". Remember the people who are rooting for you and let that strength help you.
A couple other items that don't fit into one location:
TO BRING: Less is more. Seriously. Try not to bring anything valuable to the hospital. Things DO indeed get lost (soemhow. I really can't figure out how, but I blame the drunken grandpa). so, seriously consider what you could possibly leave at home and still be okay. Have your favorite items be things to look forward to coming home to. I'd suggest chapstick, a picture of the pups, maybe an iPod. Jeff can hang onto these things for you. Magazines are good to have. You will NOT feel like reading a book. No way, no how. The less stuff, the better. Not only will you have NO desire to use it, you have to cart it around from room to room and that sucks. If you take any meds at home, leave them at the hotel. You won't need to bring them to the hospital unless they're REALLY, and I'm talking REALLY, obscure or illegal.
DOCTORS: these are strange creatures. They come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and flavors. They can be ellusive. You may or may not see your MD prior to surgery. He/She will come around 1-2 times a day, briefly, to check in. Have questions ready for the visit (if you have any). The doctors don't spend much time with you. There may be a resident who takes care of you for the majority of the time, instead of the main MD. The resident will do stuff like help with pain meds, changes in symptoms, etc. This is okay and the resident will be in contact with the rest of the medical team.
NURSES: These are also strange creatures. ICU nurses are sarcastic, have a dark sense of humor, and are very kind people despite what it may seem sometimes. Some of us are quite Intense...cuz of the "I"CU, but it's not out of dislike for you. It's simply a phenotype. I am absolutely certain that your nurses are going to ADORE you and wish that you could be their patient every day. Trust me, I know this for certain. If I had a patient like you, I'd lick the floor if it made you feel better. (and then I'd drink bleach, but you get the idea). They will be able to tell you almost anything you need to know about how you're doing. They will likely nOT be able to answer a lot of questions about yoru surgery...like what happened intraop, how long exactly it took, what exactly the doctor's said about the case. We don't tend to get a bunch of details about that kind of thing. This is something to ask the doctors. Speaking of...
QUESTIONS TO ASK:
For the doctors: What are you plannign to give me for pain/nausea medication? (Sometimes the neurosurgeons are a bit skimpy with meds because the meds can interfere with a good neuro exam. So know what you're likely to experience beforehand.) when can I expect to see you? (so you can plan for questions later). How did my surgery go? Did anything unusual happen? What do you expect for my recovery?
For the nurses: Anything you want. What to expect for the day (if it's something you're concerned about). You should ask what they're doing if you want to know. What meds you're getting. How they think your vitals are. Your nurses will generally be very open with you and you will probably not even need to ask, but you have the right to know.
Thank you to Heidi for your humor and information - it has really helped, and made me laugh!
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Wisdom from a real nurse Part II
Continuing the email written to me by my friend Heidi, a nurse.
TO THE OR: So the drunken grandpa will accompany you to the o.r. It's cold in there, lots of lights, possibly some music (unfortunately this is not for you, it's for the surgeon and he/she will have specifically outlined the playlist before surgery. it's funniest cuz I'm totally serious). The drunken grandpa will make some comment about feeling sleepy. He may or may not put an oxygen mask on you. You'll probably see him injecting something that looks like milk. That's called propofol and it's very fast-acting. After that, you won't remember a dang 'ol thing. Then you'll go either to the recovery room or straight to the ICU.
RECOVERY ROOM: Again, looks a lot like pre-op but with hospital beds instead of chairs. YOu'll have a nurse who probably has 1 or two other patients. They will be taking your vitals abotu every 15 minutes, asking you questions that may seem silly, and also asking about pain and nausea. They will orient you to the time and date and tell you briefly how the surgery went. You will feel very tired, sore, and a little out of it. You will have a catheter in your bladder (called a "Foley" which you may or may not feel but it shouldn't be painful. You will have had a breathing tube in for surgery and your throat might be a little sore and dry. This really sucks and will just take time to get better. After a few hours, they will take you to the ICU.
ICU STAY: Ahh...yes, this is my home. This is where I can REALLY help. the ICU is quite the place...full of beeping and buzzing and alarms and people and lights. It's annoying and loud and busy. But you will be monitored in more ways than you can possibly imagine so if nothing else, you can feel safe knowing that your condition is being so closely monitored. The RNs will be waking you up every hour to do an neuro exam on your. This will involve moving various body parts on command, looking at your pupils, asking about pain and sensation in your extremities. This will go on for about 18-24 hours (= exhausting for you!!). Your vitals will be monitored every hour and you will be constantly connected to a BP cuff, O2 finger sensor and EKG lines. Your monitor might beep or buzz. do not worry about this. You are in the ICU for a reason and if something is wrong, you will have the entire staff rushing into your room. Sleep when you can, be honest about how you're feeling, and try not to put any pressure on yourself about anything. Don't take phone calls if you don't feel like it. Ask Jeff to go to the waiting room for awhile so you can take a nap and not worry about "entertaining" someone. And remember that this is time to recover. This is about YOU and no one else but you. This is a time to create a whole new meaning of "focus". (I think that might be a song). You will have plenty of time to be awake and social. This is not that time. And if people don't like it, they can suck my wang.
Final installment of my Wisdom from a real nurse series tomorrow.... And yes, Heidi did say "they can suck my wang."
TO THE OR: So the drunken grandpa will accompany you to the o.r. It's cold in there, lots of lights, possibly some music (unfortunately this is not for you, it's for the surgeon and he/she will have specifically outlined the playlist before surgery. it's funniest cuz I'm totally serious). The drunken grandpa will make some comment about feeling sleepy. He may or may not put an oxygen mask on you. You'll probably see him injecting something that looks like milk. That's called propofol and it's very fast-acting. After that, you won't remember a dang 'ol thing. Then you'll go either to the recovery room or straight to the ICU.
RECOVERY ROOM: Again, looks a lot like pre-op but with hospital beds instead of chairs. YOu'll have a nurse who probably has 1 or two other patients. They will be taking your vitals abotu every 15 minutes, asking you questions that may seem silly, and also asking about pain and nausea. They will orient you to the time and date and tell you briefly how the surgery went. You will feel very tired, sore, and a little out of it. You will have a catheter in your bladder (called a "Foley" which you may or may not feel but it shouldn't be painful. You will have had a breathing tube in for surgery and your throat might be a little sore and dry. This really sucks and will just take time to get better. After a few hours, they will take you to the ICU.
ICU STAY: Ahh...yes, this is my home. This is where I can REALLY help. the ICU is quite the place...full of beeping and buzzing and alarms and people and lights. It's annoying and loud and busy. But you will be monitored in more ways than you can possibly imagine so if nothing else, you can feel safe knowing that your condition is being so closely monitored. The RNs will be waking you up every hour to do an neuro exam on your. This will involve moving various body parts on command, looking at your pupils, asking about pain and sensation in your extremities. This will go on for about 18-24 hours (= exhausting for you!!). Your vitals will be monitored every hour and you will be constantly connected to a BP cuff, O2 finger sensor and EKG lines. Your monitor might beep or buzz. do not worry about this. You are in the ICU for a reason and if something is wrong, you will have the entire staff rushing into your room. Sleep when you can, be honest about how you're feeling, and try not to put any pressure on yourself about anything. Don't take phone calls if you don't feel like it. Ask Jeff to go to the waiting room for awhile so you can take a nap and not worry about "entertaining" someone. And remember that this is time to recover. This is about YOU and no one else but you. This is a time to create a whole new meaning of "focus". (I think that might be a song). You will have plenty of time to be awake and social. This is not that time. And if people don't like it, they can suck my wang.
Final installment of my Wisdom from a real nurse series tomorrow.... And yes, Heidi did say "they can suck my wang."
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wisdom from a real nurse
My friend Heidi is a nurse, and I emailed her to ask her... Well, basically ask her what the hell I'm in for. She wrote me a response that I have to share - it was enlightening and also made me laugh out loud several times.
I've been a hospital patient several times but it was easiest when I knew exactly what was going on and what to expect, i.e., after I was a nurse. Otherwise, it seems kinda foreign and uncertain. Which is why I'm so glad that I get to offer some info and help to you. I'm assuming you'll spend at least part of you time in the ICU so I'll give you the skinny on what that experience might be like too.
ADMIT: You'll go to the hospital at the ass-crack of dawn probably through the admitting department, which usually looks like a doctor's office waiting room. A slightly overweight lady will ask for your insurance card, contact numbers (Jeff's cell, e.g.), address, etc and have you fill out some paperwork like a financial agreement saying that you know that the hospital will bill you and stuff like that. She will not make eye contact with you, nor will she smile. She may or may not be having a simultaneous conversation with her co-worker about her friend that won big at bingo and how she wishes it were her because she hates her job. I think it's a hiring requirement. Do not take it personally. Then you'll wait until they take you to pre-op. Wait and wait.
PRE-OP: This is usually a big room with a bunch of big chairs separated by curtains. At that point, they will confirm your identity, give you an i.d. band (if they didn't in admit), confirm allergies, confirm procedure site, stuff like that. They will take your vitals and have you change into a hospital gown. The gown is ugly and your ass will hang out (trust me, this does NOT bother some people. These people are the very ones that it should, in fact, bother). There are multiple ties with seemingly no purpose. I still haven't figured out if they all have an actual place to tie to. I'm pretty sure it's actually a stealth neuro exam. You'll probably feel a little chilly because of said gown. They may start a couple IVs at this point. This feels a little like a blood draw. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world but it's temporary. If you are worried about it, try to distract yourself by listening to the conversations of the patients next to you. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. Then, some more waiting. And waiting. There migth be some bustling or some more paperwork or questions. This is normal. And then more waiting. Then usually the anesthesiologist comes in to talk to you. This is generally an older gentleman with a questionable sense of humor. It's unclear if he's perpetually drunk. But don't worry: he's very competent.
Continued in my next post...
I've been a hospital patient several times but it was easiest when I knew exactly what was going on and what to expect, i.e., after I was a nurse. Otherwise, it seems kinda foreign and uncertain. Which is why I'm so glad that I get to offer some info and help to you. I'm assuming you'll spend at least part of you time in the ICU so I'll give you the skinny on what that experience might be like too.
ADMIT: You'll go to the hospital at the ass-crack of dawn probably through the admitting department, which usually looks like a doctor's office waiting room. A slightly overweight lady will ask for your insurance card, contact numbers (Jeff's cell, e.g.), address, etc and have you fill out some paperwork like a financial agreement saying that you know that the hospital will bill you and stuff like that. She will not make eye contact with you, nor will she smile. She may or may not be having a simultaneous conversation with her co-worker about her friend that won big at bingo and how she wishes it were her because she hates her job. I think it's a hiring requirement. Do not take it personally. Then you'll wait until they take you to pre-op. Wait and wait.
PRE-OP: This is usually a big room with a bunch of big chairs separated by curtains. At that point, they will confirm your identity, give you an i.d. band (if they didn't in admit), confirm allergies, confirm procedure site, stuff like that. They will take your vitals and have you change into a hospital gown. The gown is ugly and your ass will hang out (trust me, this does NOT bother some people. These people are the very ones that it should, in fact, bother). There are multiple ties with seemingly no purpose. I still haven't figured out if they all have an actual place to tie to. I'm pretty sure it's actually a stealth neuro exam. You'll probably feel a little chilly because of said gown. They may start a couple IVs at this point. This feels a little like a blood draw. It's not the most comfortable thing in the world but it's temporary. If you are worried about it, try to distract yourself by listening to the conversations of the patients next to you. Trust me, you will not be disappointed. Then, some more waiting. And waiting. There migth be some bustling or some more paperwork or questions. This is normal. And then more waiting. Then usually the anesthesiologist comes in to talk to you. This is generally an older gentleman with a questionable sense of humor. It's unclear if he's perpetually drunk. But don't worry: he's very competent.
Continued in my next post...
Friday, June 25, 2010
All the pieces of the puzzle
Now that Dr. Kraft is helping me get my pre-op physical done (required by Columbia St. Marys before I can have surgery), I have all these little pieces to put together. I have an EKG scheduled for next week, as well as chest x-rays. There's bloodwork to be done, as well as the actual physical.
In addition to all the medical pieces, I'm still tying to solidify my travel plans. It's a bit complicated since I had already planned my yearly trip to Michigan, we had to do a lot of juggling around to get it right. Jeff was on the phone for a long time trying to make sure he and I were on the same return flight from Milwaukee to Seattle... Since I won't be allowed to lift anything, he gets to carry all my bags. Hopefully I'll have enough pain-killers to just sleep through the flight.
As all these little things come into place, I'm trying not to think about the fact I'm going to have surgery. I'm trying to do the logistics and forget that I'm getting my head cut open.
In addition to all the medical pieces, I'm still tying to solidify my travel plans. It's a bit complicated since I had already planned my yearly trip to Michigan, we had to do a lot of juggling around to get it right. Jeff was on the phone for a long time trying to make sure he and I were on the same return flight from Milwaukee to Seattle... Since I won't be allowed to lift anything, he gets to carry all my bags. Hopefully I'll have enough pain-killers to just sleep through the flight.
As all these little things come into place, I'm trying not to think about the fact I'm going to have surgery. I'm trying to do the logistics and forget that I'm getting my head cut open.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Slow it down
Dr. Kraft says I need to slow down. He said that during my recovery I'll have to take it very easy, and that is hard for me. I'm kind of a go-go type of person. Not to the extreme, but leisure time is hard for me. I'm always thinking of what I could or should be doing. He suggested I really start to train my brain to accept and embrace leisure time, because my body will be working overtime to heal and while it's doing that I need to rest.
but there's so many things to do before the surgery. The studio where I work is moving locations so we're packing everything up in one location and taking it across town, not to mention all the renovating we're doing on the new place. So aside from getting that in place, there's dogs to care for, a cat to give IV fluids to, Real Housewives of New Jersey to keep up with, among all the usual home things.
So maybe I'll wait to slow down.
but there's so many things to do before the surgery. The studio where I work is moving locations so we're packing everything up in one location and taking it across town, not to mention all the renovating we're doing on the new place. So aside from getting that in place, there's dogs to care for, a cat to give IV fluids to, Real Housewives of New Jersey to keep up with, among all the usual home things.
So maybe I'll wait to slow down.
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